SUSPENDED DISBELIEF: Tiger Woods Plays the 11 Most Expensive Holes of His Life
The list is long and distinguished. Rich and powerful men, depleted of moral character and ethical standards (despite their public persona), who have dallied...with varying implications. John F. Kennedy, Michael Jordan, Mark Sanford, Magic Johnson, Jack Welch, Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton... it boggles the mind.
Tiger's very public transgressions are more interesting than most, save maybe Bill Clinton's. Spitzer, Sanford and countless others have certainly well tread the path of undoing upon which Tiger currently meanders. But Tiger may be the best example of why us 'common-folk' should be wary of idolizing or admiring the aura of the celebrity, sports star, politician or business exec.
Yeah, he Just Did Her.Why does someone who seems to have it all - great career, beautiful (and seemingly happy) family, tons of dough... by all accounts a life to be envied - have to blow it all for serial sexual encounters, each (hopefully) leading up to only a relatively short climax of endorphins and bodily fluids? More confusing, still, is why rich, famous, and/or attractive celebs have to PAY to get their rocks off!? When you realize that you're flying too close to the sun, why then, Icarus, do you not reverse course (or at least 'adjust', somewhat, your course)?
Why does it matter? Why am I posting this on a site that covers film and TV? While Tiger's dalliances are great fodder for Jay Leno, Craig Ferguson and the like, the sponsors that foot the bills don't care for it. Nielsen IAG gives us this bit to chew on:
Following Woods' early morning SUV crash on black Friday, Nielsen IAG measured more than 20 instances through December 7 where a late night joke paired Woods with one of his sponsors. As comedians took their swings at Woods, the mentions generated a higher-than-average recall of the associated brand (55% vs. a late night norm of 39%). Higher brand recall can often be good news, but in Woods' case, the data provides evidence of a higher than expected negative shift in viewer opinion for those brands. On average, about 6% of viewers recalling a brand mention in a late night show report a negative opinion. In the case of Tiger Woods' sponsors, the negative shift was 11%.
Now, Tiger has already lost Accenture and may also next lose Gillette as major sponsors. What's more, with his absence from the sport for some indefinite period of time, ratings for the sport are sure to suffer. This will, of course, hit not only the broadcasters and venues, but the downstream sponsorship deals for the lesser-known 'hackers' who will be seen as even more of a risk to their sponsors' brands now that Tiger has fallen from grace. If this could happen to Tiger, well...
Comes now (he..he..) word that David Boreanz of Bones fame is (or was) BONING Tiger's most infamous romp...Rachel Uchitel. Here's another guy that has proven completely moronic at letting his tiny meat-pole lead him about (allegedly, even while his wife lie pregnant with his child). What an ass! Of course it doesn't say much for Uchitel. We can only hope that she was, indeed, being paid (and well), because the alternative to that is that she was just an easy, slippery, groupie that would toss it out for anyone with a big...celebrity.
Most troubling in all of this (for me, at least) is the fallout on TV production budgets for shows that would otherwise be picked up for follow-on seasons that will be culled on the basis of falling advertising dollars as sponsors pull back. How likely is it that Accenture or Gillette will hurry-up to produce a new ad rather than pay their liquidated damages clause to the network and agency (a fraction of the total dollars that would have otherwise gone to support Burn Notice on USA)? They'll just step away from that ad leaving the ad sales folks to scurry to fill the big budgets of those big-time advertisers. The butterfly effect of this thing could be pretty substantial.
Fortune and/or fame doesn't endow upon any of these dipshits moral character or good sense, apparently. It's my contention that these public figures should be subject to even more skepticism and castigation than those of us that actually WORK for a living. I guess we're all too busy struggling to get by to get bored enough with our lives and loved ones to be willing to trade them all in for a few minutes of a sweaty, heaving encounter in a hotel registered under an alias. Shit... how many of us could even afford an alias?
Is it just celebrity that breeds this egotistical cesspool? If you got enough money and spotlight, your brains and character leak right out your ass and fill up your boots? Did these people forget who pays their bills? Without all those of us with real jobs who pay-up to support their massive egos, they don't get to galavant around the globe taking a mistress in every port.
It really is too bad that we'll all pay our last dollars to support this bad behavior. It sets a pretty sad example for our kids who idolize these celebs. What became of good character that gave way to such rampant moral turpitude? I think something came undone in the 60s. Free love, civil disobedience and illicit substances apparently fried all the conscience and character out of the heads of our parents and what we're seeing now is the proximal fallout...
But that's a topic for a whole different post.
On another note, you'll be happy to hear that, just in time for the holidays, Full Moon Pictures has prepared a limited release of the Ultimate Pleasure Box, a must-have box set for every collection, featuring twelve Sci-Fi Erotica films starring one of the 11 Tiger Woods' mistresses, porn star Holly Sampson. Award-worthy titles include: Lolida 2000, The Femalien series (likely including Femalien and Femalien 2 - The Search for Kara, and The Exotic Time Machine II: Forbidden Encounters. This limited-edition (only 900 copies available: all numbered and signed) will go on sale tomorrow, December 15th. Get one for that philandering prick on your Christmas list!
Merry Christmas to all!