Two and a Half Men

(2003)

'Two and a Half Men' Season 3 Episodes

Two and a Half Men - Season 3

Two and a Half Men - Season 3

Commercial jingle writer Charlie Harper (series star Charlie Sheen) is a wealthy bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the garage and an easy way with women. But his Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his uptight chiropractor brother, Alan (series star Jon Cryer), arrives unexpectedly with Alan's 10-year-old son, Jake (series star Angus T. Jones).

Two and a Half Men S3E1
Episode 1  •  September 19th, 2005

Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

Charlie Harper (series star CHARLIE SHEEN) is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Mercedes in the garage and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle was interrupted when his tightly wound brother, Alan (series star JON CRYER), and Alan's young son, Jake (series star ANGUS T. JONES), came to stay with him a couple of years ago.

Two and a Half Men S3E2
Episode 2  •  September 26th, 2005

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

When Jake's school principal demands to meet immediately with Alan concerning a picture Jake drew of a large-breasted schoolmate, Alan leaves a phone message asking Charlie to help, but Charlie doesn't respond.

Two and a Half Men S3E3
Episode 3  •  October 3rd, 2005

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

Charlie is dismayed to learn that Alan's recent dating spree has been with Alan's ex-wife, Judith. Charlie fears he will rarely get to see Jake if Alan and Judith reconcile. So Charlie does everything in his power--including trying to distract Alan with beautiful women (Former Playboy Playmates SANDY and MANDY BENTLEY)--to keep the two apart.

Two and a Half Men S3E4
Episode 4  •  October 10th, 2005

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

Alan infuriates Charlie when he gives Berta permission to move into the beach house for a couple of days. Charlie reprimands Alan and informs him that he's just a houseguest and doesn't have the right to allow Berta to stay with them. Hurt by Charlie's reaction, Alan decides that he and Jake need to move into their own place.

Two and a Half Men S3E5
Episode 5  •  October 17th, 2005

We Called It Mr. Pinky

After a woman Charlie has been having sex with professes her love for him, he responds inappropriately and suffers from impotence. Later, Rose explains that Charlie's inability to have a long-lasting relationship is due to unresolved issues with his mother.

Two and a Half Men S3E6
Episode 6  •  October 24th, 2005

Hi, Mr. Horned One

Charlie is thrilled that he's dating Isabella (JODI LYN O'KEEFE - "Nash Bridges"), a wild, sexually uninhibited woman--until Alan points out that she's a spooky Satan worshiper. Charlie is unfazed by Alan's warnings until Isabella threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

Two and a Half Men S3E7
Episode 7  •  November 7th, 2005

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

Charlie finds himself in a compromising position after getting drunk and spending the evening with his stalker, Rose, celebrating her birthday. He ends up being confronted by her father, Harvey (Golden Globe and Emmy Award winner MARTIN SHEEN - "The West Wing"), who demands to know Charlie's intentions towards Rose.

Two and a Half Men S3E8
Episode 8  •  November 14th, 2005

That Voodoo That I Do Do

After Charlie's romantic overtures towards Mia (recurring guest star EMMANUEL VAUGIER - "Smallville," "One Tree Hill," "Saw II"), an attractive ballet teacher, are rejected, Charlie tries to prove to Alan that he can persuade Mia to go on a date with him.

Two and a Half Men S3E9
Episode 9  •  November 21st, 2005

Madame and Her Special Friend

A wealthy, elderly woman named Norma (Academy Award and multiple Emmy Award winner CLORIS LEACHMAN - "Malcolm in the Middle," "Spanglish") is romantically interested in Alan.

Two and a Half Men S3E10
Episode 10  •  November 28th, 2005

Something Salted and Twisted

Alan organizes a family dinner to celebrate the publication of a newspaper article that describes him as a "good doctor, good neighbor and a good guy," but he's crushed when his mother, Evelyn, isn't impressed.

Two and a Half Men S3E11
Episode 11  •  December 19th, 2005

Santa's Village of the Damned

When Alan dates a cooking instructor, Sandy (JOSIE DAVIS - "Beverly Hills 90210"), both he and Charlie gain weight. But even as it becomes clear that Sandy is mentally unstable, Charlie refuses to allow Alan to break up with her, fearing the loss of her fabulous meals.

Two and a Half Men S3E12
Episode 12  •  January 9th, 2006

That Special Tug

Charlie and Alan take Jake to a friend's house and go out for some sibling bonding at the movies, but their night is ruined when Alan freaks out after convincing himself that Jake was too eager to spend the weekend away from him.

Two and a Half Men S3E13
Episode 13  •  January 23rd, 2006

Humiliation is a Visual Medium

No one believes Charlie when he says that his relationship with Mia (recurring guest star EMMANUELLE VAUGIER) is getting serious, and everyone really thinks he's lying when he confesses that he and Mia have been dating for more than a month and haven't consummated the relationship.

Two and a Half Men S3E14
Episode 14  •  February 6th, 2006

Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

After a month and a half of abstinence, Charlie is quite eager to consummate his relationship with Mia (recurring guest star EMMANUELLE VAUGIER). Unfortunately, there are still a few roadblocks, including Charlie's oversexed ex-girlfriend, Kandi (recurring guest star APRIL BOWLBY), and Mia's parents.

Two and a Half Men S3E15
Episode 15  •  February 27th, 2006

My Tongue is Meat

Charlie's lifestyle causes tension with Mia (recurring guest star EMMANUELLE VAUGIER). Charlie can't keep pace with the healthy routine that Mia has introduced into their relationship, so he sneaks cigars and beers in the garage and enlists Rose to deliver burgers to him on the sly.

Two and a Half Men S3E16
Episode 16  •  March 6th, 2006

Ergo, The Booty Call

Concerned that he is dating a woman half his age--and mortified to introduce her to Evelyn--Alan tries to avoid bringing his sexy 22-year-old girlfriend, Kandi (recurring guest star APRIL BOWLBY), to Jake's birthday party. Meanwhile, Rose continues her passive-aggressive pursuit of Charlie.

Two and a Half Men S3E17
Episode 17  •  March 13th, 2006

The Unfortunate Little Schnauser

When he is nominated for an advertising award, Charlie boycotts the banquet, having lost several years in a row to his cocky competitor, Archie (JON LOVITZ - "Saturday Night Live," "Happiness"). After devising a ploy to get him to attend, Alan, Evelyn and Jake accompany Charlie for support--but then they get to know Archie.

Two and a Half Men S3E18
Episode 18  •  March 20th, 2006

The Spit-Covered Cobbler

Alan gets into financial trouble because he keeps paying the expenses of his young girlfriend, Kandi (recurring guest star APRIL BOWLBY). When Kandi's old car breaks down, Alan leases a new one for her. Charlie warns him to break up with her, but Alan spends his last dime on Kandi's root canal and can't pay alimony to Judith, forcing Charlie to cover for him.

Two and a Half Men S3E19
Episode 19  •  April 10th, 2006

Golly Moses, She's A Muffin

Kandi (recurring guest star APRIL BOWLBY) moves in with Alan and Charlie, causing tension in the house. Charlie's not happy to learn of the new arrangement, considering he himself has been having a dry spell with women. Things begin to look up for Charlie, however, when Judith befriends Kandi, and a special visitor comes knocking on his door.

Two and a Half Men S3E20
Episode 20  •  April 24th, 2006

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

Charlie is now dating Kandi's (recurring guest star APRIL BOWLBY) mother, Mandi (recurring guest star GAIL O'GRADY). Meanwhile, Alan is depressed because Kandi has left him and is staying with bitter Judith, who brainwashed her against him. At Mandi's urging, Alan goes to Judith's place to try to win Kandi back.

Two and a Half Men S3E21
Episode 21  •  May 1st, 2006

And the Plot Moistens

Jake's teacher, Francine (JULIA CAMPBELL), calls Alan and Judith into her classroom to discuss Jake's lack of interest in school. Desperate to communicate with someone intelligent while continuing to see his airhead girlfriend, Kandi (recurring guest star APRIL BOWLBY), Alan falls for Francine--in a platonic way.

Two and a Half Men S3E22
Episode 22  •  May 8th, 2006

Just Once With Aunt Sophie

When a cute girl from Jake's school invites Jake to a party, Charlie butts in on Alan's milestone moment with his son by offering his own words of wisdom on women. While Alan feels somewhat jealous that Charlie is taking over, he realizes he also feels envious that his son is receiving some solid advice on scoring with women that he wishes his brother had taught him.

Two and a Half Men S3E23
Episode 23  •  May 15th, 2006

Arguments for the Quickie

When Charlie finds out that his ex-girlfriend, Mia (recurring guest star EMMANUELLE VAUGIER), is in town with her dance troupe and wants him to come to her performance, he opts not to go and tries to behave as if he were no longer attracted to her.

Two and a Half Men S3E24
Episode 24  •  May 22nd, 2006

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

With Charlie and Mia (recurring guest star EMMANUELLE VAUGIER) arranging their wedding, their families meet, and things immediately begin to fall apart. Rose takes Charlie's engagement news hard and makes some interesting plans of her own. There is also the question of where Alan and Jake will live after Charlie and Mia get married.

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